May seem a kind of strange thing to say but 'Fears & Phobias' is one of my favourite TABLEtalk evenings. Our Agony Aunt exercise always results in a good amount of laughs as students write letters expressing the deep misery and woes of their given phobias, whilst other groups offer their 'wise' counsel.
I have attempted to precis the letters as some were a little long.
We sincerely apologise to anyone who genuinely suffers from any of these debilitating fears.
CHEROPHOBIA: the fear of being too happy in case something bad happens.
Dear Agony Aunt, My name is Sophie from Italy.
A few years ago I developed a feeling of being too
happy, because I'm always thinking that something
bad will happen to me.
This affects my life because whenever I am too happy
I can't sleep at night. I never go to parties with my
friends, I don't visit my family and I shake and burst
into tears when I receive exciting news.
This all started when I got so excited about a
scholarship opportunity to study in the USA. I got
so drunk that I ended up in hospital. The second time
I was so happy after my first date that I drove too
fast and had an accident. Now I'm afraid of being
happy ever again!
Kindly help me,
Sophie
Dear Sophie, you are not the only one in this situation.
First of all you need to always be positive and self-confident.
Being happy is not related to bad situations,
it's about being at peace with yourself.
When you receive news, good or bad, you need to be relaxed
and take time to let the news sink in. Do not be anxious
or too quick with your reactions because 'curiosity killed the cat'.
Even if you think it's bad news, try to see the positive side.
Regards,
Agony Aunt
NOMOPHOBIA: the fear of being without your mobile or unable to get a signal.
Dear Mary, my name is Mahmud and I have nomophobia.
It started one day when I was walking at night and found
an injured man on the street. I wanted to call the emergency
services to help him but couldn't find my phone. I panicked and
felt so helpless because I couldn't help and the man died. Since
that day I never leave my house without my phone and if I can't
find it my heart beats fast and I start sweating because this
memory comes back to me. Please help me to overcome this
and lead a normal life.
Regards,
Mr Paranoid Mahmud
Dear Mr Mahmud, sorry to hear such a sad experience.
It was not your fault that the man did not survive.
Bad things happen every day, you cannot stop them.
Don't worry about forgetting your phone, these days
everyone has one, si in an emergency you would always
be able to borrow one.
If you still feel worried, please consider purchasing
the smart watch (advertised on page 50 of this issue)
which can also be used as a phone. It is a great deal
and for you we will make a discount. I'm sure your life
will get easier.
Regards,
Mary
POPHYROPHOBIA: fear of the colour purple
Dear Agony Aunt, I would like to share a deep fear with you
that has been annoying me for a long time. It's the fear of the
colour purple. Recently my friends invited me to Creams to
celebrate my birthday. Unfortunately when I entered Creams,
I fainted and shook almost to death. It was such a strange feeling;
my friends helped me to settle down but I noticed it was because
all the decoration in Creams is purple.
The same thing happened again at TABLEtalk. I was drinking
my cup of tea when Christina walked in, she was wearing purple
and she sat on a purple chair! My head was spinning and I passed out.
I was unconscious on the floor and Lynne gave me the kiss of life.
This is becoming a real problem because purple is a popular colour
- it is everywhere! I'm also worried because in my culture the wife
to be needs to wear purple. What do I do, am I going to be single
all my life? Please advise me how to overcome this.
Many thanks,
Basim
Dear Basim, I am deeply sorry for your situation and
am sad to say that you will be single all your life.
Moreover I fear that you are missing out on extremely
marvellous waffles, ice cream and other delicious desserts
at Creams. However, to overcome your situation
I am ordering you a pair of glasses to filter out the
colour purple and I would advise Christina to never
ever wear purple again. Hopefully I will see you
in Creams one day.
Yours sincerely,
Aunt Agony
ANATIDAEPHOBIA: a fear that somehow, somewhere a duck is watching you
Dear Agony Aunt, I am Donald and I suffer from an extreme
fear that somehow, somewhere a duck is watching me. At
the very moment of writing I feel that a duck is staring at
me behind my shoulder.
It all started when I was a child on my grandparent's farm.
I was about 5 years old and would venture around the farm
to play with the animals. I was amazed by the experience and
could watch them for hours. Then one particular day a duck
suddenly became aggressive and ran at me. I was so scared
I ran away. To my dismay, more ducks came after me wildly
opening their wings. This experience has left me traumatised
and to this day I have never returned to the farm. I will never
forget those angry birds and that's why I don't play the
stupid video game!
Please help me before they get me.
Yours faithfully,
Donald Duck
Dear Donald, you need to think of all the good memories
you had at the farm before this started. Ducks are
peaceful creature that won't harm you. I suggest
you spend some time with one duck; maybe your grandad
could bring one to your home. Being with one duck and
playing with it will introduce you to how wonderful it was.
You could go to the farm with your grandad to introduce
you to the ducks gradually. This will help you get over
your fear and get your confidence back.
Regards,
Agony Aunt
OMBROPHOBIA: the fear of rain
I stink!! I have ombrophobia! It started one day when
I was taking a shower and the shower head dropped
and hit me on the head. The sound reminded me of
thunder in the rain. The dripping sound was like a
symphony of rain. To me it's the calling of hell. Now
I haven't showered for five months. I'm afraid and I
stay indoors and worry that I will develop claustrophobia.
My wife has already developed stinkophobia!
Rain. Rain. Rain of tears. Stop the dripping sound.
Shower. Rain. Go away! When my wife cries it only
reminds me of rain. Please save me!!
Dear Anonymous, first of all you should learn to write
your name in the letter. I have a very romantic and
practical solution to your fear. Firstly, I suggest you go
to Poundland and buy some baby wipes to clean your body.
Gradually, as you get used to the baby wipes you should
your wife to put a small amount of water in a bath tub.
As the sound of running water upsets you , when preparing
the bath your shouldn't be around. Once the bath is ready,
you can take your time to get in and wash off your
five months of dirt. This will help you and your wife
in a romantic way.
Regards,
Basim
ARITHMAPHOBIA: the fear of numbers
Dear Agony Aunt, I am William Oops from Kent.
I am the eldest in a family of twenty. Growing up was
fun even though we didn't have much; this made me
an introverted kind of person.
I have a serious problem that is affecting my life,
especially my studies and my relationship with my
girlfriend. The problem is arithmaphobia. This problem
started in High School because we had a terrible
mathematics teacher and since then I have hated seeing
numbers. For example, I am even scared to count all my
siblings because I detest thinking and dealing with numbers.
It is affecting my studies and I'm getting bad grades.
Please help me,
William
Dear Mr Oops, this is the 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th, 6th, 7th, 8th,
9th and 10th response to your letter. I would love to
be your friend and keep writing to you. I have 3 pieces of
advice for you. No.1 when you feel afraid of counting - don't!
No.2 - make up random words for numbers eg. 1=one, 2=two
No.3 - it's about your girlfriend, she already knows you're
an accident because your name is Oops. Ditch her and
find another one so you can practice counting the
girls you have dumped.
Good luck.
Call me on
07123 456789
OMMATOPHOBIA: the fear of eyes
Dear Agony Aunt, I am The Rock (everybody knows me)
but I have a secret ... I have always been afraid of eyes.
It started at primary school where my teacher had huge,
horrible eyes of different colours. When she got angry she
would pop them out ans star at us. When she was in a bad
mood she made us have staring competitions. The person
who blinked first was the looser and had to clean the school
toilets. Guess what, I was always the looser!
When people look at me I feel terrified. It affects my
confidence and because of that I can't follow my dream to
be a world known rock star.
Miss Aunty, what advise can you give me to help me
overcome this fear?
With love,
The Rock
Dear Rock, my suggestion to you is to face your fear by
making a simple presentation in front of your family
and friends because they will support you by smiling back,
convincing you that past memory is over, it will never happen
again. Then you will be able to make public presentations
and following your dream of becoming a rock star.
Miss Aunty
Here are a plethora of pics ...
