TABLEtalk: It's OK to talk about Death and Dying

Several weeks back we tackled the theme of death & dying at a TABLEtalk evening.  We were fully aware that this might be an emotive topic and no-one was forced to contribute.

Around the room were nine questions and, individually, students were able to spend a few quiet moments at each station to write their anonymous responses.  Our discussion that followed was open and honest and, I believe, on the whole it was a very healthy process.

It has taken me several weeks pondering all the answers, those we got to discuss and those we didn't.  I felt that there was such honesty and wisdom expressed that I wanted to share those responses with you.

Do you think people should talk more about death & dying? YES or NO ... please explain your answer.

"Yes, because people need awareness of the purpose of life."

"Yes, because it's part of life. It is one of the fundamental characteristics of living things."

"No, it's really scary."

"Yes, because it's going to happen eventually. But we should not fear it or obsess over it."

"No, to think about death can be stressful."

"Yes, if one has experienced loss, it's good to let out the emotions and memories."

Have you experienced a significant death in your life? How did you cope with the process of grieving?

"I don't know, I just go numb."

"Yes, my Grandma. It was quite difficult to cope with the process although I had my friends & family to console me."

"Yes, it didn't fit me suddenly, it was gradual and to accept their death took me time."

"Yes, my uncle. I made myself really busy with work."

"Yes, my Grandpa. I experienced lots of pain and crying."

Yes, but not too close. I coped by thinking and internally reflecting on the time we spent together."

What do you think are the main reasons for a funeral?

"For memories and acknowledging the person who has died."

"To give respect for the good deeds they have done in their life."

"To pay the last respect to the person. To send their soul peacefully to God."

"A funeral is for the living. Death is very painful, so it helps the living handle the passing of a loved one."

"To re-collect. To provide comfort and closure to the person's family."

"To help the family cope with the loss. Also to reflect on life and remember that life is temporary."

If you were able to plan your own funeral, what would you like to include.

"My funeral and my graveyard must be in my own garden."

"Some paintings that I've done."

"Pictures of me, happy with my life, travelling around the world. I want people to celebrate my life.  I do not want chemicals and a fancy coffin; I want to be wrapped in cotton, and buried in soil, so that I could be used to nurture the plants."

"I have no idea about this."

"A massive thank you to the amazing people in my life."

"A celebration of my life, and a BIG party!"

What do you think the phrase 'a good death' means? What do you think it means to 'die with dignity'?

"To die in a peaceful way, not bound to a bed for weeks or months beforehand. A good death would be a quick and painless death."

"A good death would be a peaceful one. To die with dignity is to leave a hallmark for others."

"There is nothing to do with dignity and death. A good death means without any pain or struggle."

Do you believe in life after death? What is your concept of heaven?

"I do believe in heaven. My concept of heaven is a place without pain. A place absent of sin and its consequences, where God's love is abundant."

"Yes, I believe in life after death, it bring a sense of logic to life. Heaven is a place God created for people who have done good deeds in life."

"No, I don't believe in life after death."

What life experiences have you valued most? How have they shaped who you are today?

"I value the spiritual journey I have experienced so far which, I believe, has given me the strength to overcome challenges."

"Being calm; to be controlled in our actions and words (I still haven't mastered this)."

"Meeting amazing people throughout my journey at university. The friendship and life experiences they have shared and them believing in me, a lot more than I often believe in myself."

"TABLEtalk has made me a better person."

"The decision to come to the UK; it has helped me to tackle problems."

If you knew you were dying, what would you like to do or change about your life?

"I would ensure that I prioritised my loved ones and spent more time with them."

"I would like to change the way I see people, to have better relationships."

"Spend more time doing things that are important, and less time on things that aren't. I would focus on the NOW."

"I would try to help people in need as much as I can to improve their life. Maybe write a reflections book that could help others in hard times."

How would you like to be remembered? What would you like people to say or think about you after you have died?

"As someone who was kind and made a difference in people's lives. That the glory of God was seen through me."

"As someone who was polite, selfless and never held a grudge."

"As a caring and loving friend who was kind to others and made people happy. To be an example of how to live a happy life."

"As someone who helped people in need."