10 Keys to Happier Living - Resilience

''Difficulties are a part of life.

We all have them -

and sometimes we create them!''

''A happy life doesn't mean one that is completely free of difficulties. Stress, pain, loss, trauma - tough times are part of life. So being better equipped to face and deal with these is important, even essential, for happier living.''

Difficulties, bereavement, challenges, disappointments, threats, etc are all an inevitable part of life and often cannot be predicted. We all vary in how naturally resilient we are, but we can all seek to grow in this area.

Resilience is the ability and the process by which we re-discover a place of balance. I often ask new students to consider not just how they will survive their time at university, but how they will thrive. What and who will they turn to when the going gets tough, as it inevitably will. Where and how will they find that place of inner strength that will carry them through.

Blessed are the flexible,

for they shall not be broken!

Resilience is a bit like a Swiss army knife, it is made up of a number of tools or facets which we can make use of in different ways, at different times.
1. The use of active coping mechanisms  -  those things that will help adjust your perspective on the situation. One of my own coping mechanisms is writing things down, writing lists, keeping a journal in which I can express my thoughts and frustrations. 
2. Thinking resiliently  -  stepping back and thinking the problem through logically in order to bring your emotions and your perspective in line with reality. Purely ruminating on the problem itself only leads to catastrophising, when a problem is magnified and consequently out of proportion with the truth.
3. Using optimism and humour  -  the ability to sustain hope in the midst of difficulty, the calm in the eye of the storm, the silver lining. Laughter has the power to decrease stress, boost the immune system and relieve physical tension. When was the last time you laughed out and so hard it made your belly hurt?!
4. Nurturing life-giving relationships  -  we all need reliable, faithful friends around us. Those we can turn to for support when the going gets tough. Resilience does not mean the ability to cope alone.
5. Physical well-being  -  as discussed in point two of our '10 Keys' it is important that we eat well, sleep well and exercise often. If your work is office based, understand the value of leaving your desk, even for ten minutes, to walk outside and get some fresh air.
6. Values, purpose and meaning  -  a strong moral compass, a sense of purpose and clearly defined values are all important features of resilience.
7. Developing strengths  -  understanding how we are made, what makes YOU uniquely YOU, is key. Strengthening our strengths and identifying our weakness are positive steps in improving our levels of resilience.
8.  Life-long learning  -  the on-going process of learning, of openness to new challenges and the development of new skills will improve our self-esteem, our confidence and our ability to approach problems creatively.  

All of the above provide positive ingredients for a resilient life; but, like making a scrumptious cake or a tasty curry there may be some need for a little experimenting.

Quotes taken from '10 Keys to Happier Living' by Vanessa King